Last Night

Ugh. I am standing with my forehead pressed against a mailbox on the corner of Harvard Ave and Vernon St. My best friend is standing next to me, her eyes closed, swaying to remain upright while the world spins past the backs of her eyelids. What did we do in the last twenty four hours that could have possibly been terrible enough to deserve such punishment? Oh right. Fifteen alcohol units. FUUUCCCCKKKKK.

I mean, it was a post grad mistake. It can happen to anyone. Here we were, heading off to a good night out, wisened by the fact that we have been training for nights like these for the past four years, because, lets face it, what else is college for if not building my tolerance so at 5'4" I can drink more than most 200lb hockey players? But since the days of partying five nights a week have been gone for two full months now, my resistance has faded and I am out of party shape. I mean, I party. I can party with the best of them! But my nights of multiple keg stands and rounds of shots are behind me and I can carry out a buzz on eight or nine beers. However, I arrived at my friends' apartment and overcome with excitement and anticipation, proceeded to consume the equivalent of 7 shots of vodka before we even reached the cab. Convinced I was not feeling a buzz, I drank my way through the front bar, the back bar, the downstairs bar, and back upstairs with shots on every staircase. Which is how I came to lean on the mailbox. At 12:45.

My friend slept on the bathroom floor and I let her, making us both look like fools. When she crawled into bed at six in the morning I had to wonder: was the last four years really worth $100,000 if the only real knowledge I was expected to acquire was my alcohol limit- something I obviously am not aware of? Did I peak too soon? An epic flaw in my conditioning schedule would put me out of partying late into my twenties. I guess I just figured I would never live that long anyway. I mean when your 18, 30 is OLD. And after my skin began to lose collagen at age 20, lets face it, I was planning on checking out as soon as I was legal. Now I am having to reevaluate. At age 21 I have only one spider vein from a run in with a towel bar and no wrinkles on my face thanks to religious sunscreen application. If i am still that young on the surface, I must have at least three more years of partying ahead of me.

So I will revamp my training schedule. I will continue to drink with a renewed energy and vigor. I will make a comeback that would rival Secretariat, remain in drinking shape well into my mid twenties, hopefully outliving the horse by at least four years.