Advance Commitment

In New York the value of real estate is a direct relation to the epicenter of the world: the corner of Fifth and 59th. Any apartment, store, grocery not located on that corner is evaluated and priced accordingly. Once you have left the island of Manhattan, real estate is evaluated by how quickly you might reach said corner via taxi, bus or train. Ergo, anything near the L, or the JMF train becomes desirable and any real estate valued near the G train is considered a misfortune.

I, for one am of a differing opinion and after a potentially successful weekend gone awry, I know that I am correct in my convictions. Real estate does not center around fifth and Madison, but can be evaluated by an entirely new perspective: How close would you like to live to the person you are currently sleeping with and how quickly would you like to get home after waking up in their bed at 6am, still drunk and unfortunately no longer wearing your party clothes?

To create an accurate appraisal system, each situation must be taken on a case-by-case basis. The best way to choose the most valuable place for yourself is to take a batch sample of your potential partners and consider their target neighborhoods. I, for one, like men over 6’3” who ride bicycles, a demographic located within walking distance from any L train stop.

The next step is determining how closely you would like to coexist with your compatible neighborhood. Although I do not like seeing bygone partners at the grocery store, $30 cab rides from Williamsburg back to the upper west side can really put the pressure on your weekend expenses. All things considered, I guess I did a terrible job choosing apartments.

I am at a crossroads: I can continue to eat the travel expenses that come with my decision or I can simply start seeing other guys. Why not a nice accountant for a risk management firm in Flatiron? Or a PR guy on Central Park West?

After careful thought and many walks of shame past the Williamsburg bridge I have made a decision. Although I hate the financial implications of my choice I prefer to keep my grocery stores free of run-ins and I do hate putting on makeup before 10PM. So I’ll stay safely isolated in Morningside park. What is a $30 cab rides when you can think of the time and makeup you will save?